I often wonder that... I have no kids, no relatives that will outlive me, cousins are so far removed they barely know me, but I have a few dollars to my name.What happens to retirement age people who have no immediate family and find themselves in a situation where they can no longer care for theirselves?
That was my 2017- 2019 at the end it was only I that could take the disease headcon.. my brothers and sisters just simply could not take it.. and would barley come by. Went through the same thing with nursing.. even paying nurses extra when I had a good one only to find out she was stealing medication of pain pills. Got to the point I needed to be here 24 hours a day.. not many can handle taking care of the elderly ... during her bouts of UTI infections I was facing a Demon from hell daily. I often thought who is this person inside my mother as she is not the woman who loved me all those years.Gar, we are in a similar position.
At the beginning of covid we took mom out of an assisted living facility. She has alzheimer's and once we got her into my sisters house the disease rapidly progressed . She has no bladder or bowel control now, can not walk and screams out most of the time. I fear for my sister as no one can cope with this. The issue now is there are no places available unless you have have tons of money, which we don't. In Canada the system is fucking useless and even though my mom is rated as critical care we have no time frame when we can find her a spot. Right now we pay for nurses to come in but often they don't show, are late or come and leave early. With alzheimer's its best to have the same person all the time and we can't even get that. The government's advice to us , we can find a private spot, cost $5500 a month, if you don't have money sell your house. fucking asshats.
I couldn't imagine if you were old crippled and alone as even though my mom has our support its not good.
When you get to a point where you watch a blank TV screen and shit your self where is the quality of life. It sounds sick but my moms best option is to get pneumonia and leave the world in a painless manner.
The other side of this, it destroys families, as I am now finding out.
Yep.btw, if you think you're gonna just give all your shit away to your family think again. I think they can go back 7 years even in an irrevocable trust.
Rhino, glad you got through it without a stroke or heart attack.
My sister is doing the heavy lifting and my job is to support her.
There was no choice for us taking her in and now we wait, for how long we don't know.
I know if my mom had a few moments of clarity and knew what was happening to her she would want a quick exit.
I have instructed my friends if this happens to me to wipe their fingerprints off the pillow case when they leave my room(not joking bTW)
Detials pls... presumably eating cat food, living alone, dealing with alzheimers etc etc?When I learned the conditions that a friend's mom was living in, I nearly beat him to a pulp for allowing it
It is beyond my comprehension how families can become so distant within
It's your fucking mom, asshole
Living alone, dementia in a hoarder environment. I only came to know after I visited the house with my friend after his mom was relocated to some type of care homeDetials pls... presumably eating cat food, living alone, dealing with alzheimers etc etc?
A sign that you had a good relationship with your parents, or at the least, they were good people.I don't care how sour a relationship with a mother (or father), it is unfathomable to me how anyone could allow their parent to exist in such conditions
Don't waste your money, dementia patients only get worse, and their "need" will quickly outstrip your "ability" to care for them.Parents are "only" in their 60s, but I'm already factoring in having an in-laws suite built somewhere down the line if and when it comes time.
Makes me think of my Mom when I brought her home with me.I've typed out, and deleted several paragraphs here.... it's just crappy. The lack of responsibility and rationality is overwhelming at times.
I’m in the same boat. Mother in law had to be moved here because she doesn’t even know what year it is or who is dead or alive. Same stuff over and over. Got to get back to Indy to empty he place and sell her house. Until then, we are paying assisted living for her and can only visit outside once a week. Takes her small income and we have to kick in a grand a month. I feel for you man.I'm dealing with it currently. My stepdad passed in early May. My brothers and I were there, more or less in shifts, for the month preceding his death. None of us really realized how advanced our mom's dementia was until he was gone. She most certainly can't live alone full time. She's not "gone", but her short term memory is fucking shot to hell most of the time. We shuffled her around between my house, my brother's house about five miles away, or my other brother's place in Phoenix, or one of us would be with her at her Vegas house.
That's not a sustainable program, or fair to her, and she really wanted to stay in Vegas, at least for now. We opted to move her into an assisted living place. One bedroom apartment, full meals, snacks, activities, rides to Dr. appointments and such, etc... Sounded great with lots of other people there too. Kind of like living on a cruise ship. Unfortunately COVID made it more like living in County jail.
No visitors allowed. Leaving the facility was very discouraged and would likely result in a fresh two week quarantine All meals served in their apartments so no communal dining. Just a whole lot of loneliness for her. Almost all socializing and activities were on hold. Nothing. That shit lasted about six weeks as we couldn't deal with her being so unhappy and confused about what the fuck is going on. Went over and got her the fuck out and put a thirty day notice in to move her back out. She spent about two weeks at my house, and now she's at my brother's house in Phoenix.
Wednesday, she starts an adventure of going to see all of her sisters and one niece. Michigan, Florida, South Carolina, Tennessee. She's super excited about it and will be gone about eight or nine weeks. All flights are straight through, with family gate access for departures and arrivals, along with airline staff knowing the score as well. Hopefully it all goes well and in the meantime my brothers and I have to get her shit moved back to her house and come up with some sort of plan for home care, for now. . .
We're going to try to either have a paid friend of hers, or a company like Visiting Angels or something come in the morning, and again in the evening, every day. I'm not optimistic but she seems to still want to stay in Vegas for now, and seems very much against moving in with any of us. If this plan doesn't work out, and even if it does, it won't be forever. Dementia is a fucker and eventually she's going to need full time care. She'll likely end up in an assisted living place near my brother and I here in SoCal. Maybe Phoenix. Hopefully the COVID garbage settles down and places like that can have a chance at living up to their potential.
I can't imagine how my mom would end up if she was just alone in the world right now. She's pretty secure financially, but I have no doubt someone would clean her out without my brothers and I overseeing her bills and spending. Her phone rings constantly with predators constantly trying to get her to donate to something, invest in something, buy something . . . Don't even get me started on the amount of junk mail she gets. Sickening.
Anyway. I guess to answer your question Eddie, old folks with no money or family are fucked and become wards of the state. Old folks with money and no family become hoarders living in filth and eventually have no money and become wards of the state.
Yes, for sure. I'm just referring to parents getting older and needing basic help around the house.Don't waste your money, dementia patients only get worse, and their "need" will quickly outstrip your "ability" to care for them.
Then they're on to the next step...