#### pimpslayer

##### HOLYBAMF

There's permanently something smoldering on your property.

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There's permanently something smoldering on your property.

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The last time you saw your father-in-law, he was pointing a gun at you.

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The three little words you say to your wife every day are "Got a light?".

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Your two year old has more teeth than you.

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You name your fishing poles.

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Calling your neighbors doesn't involve a phone.

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Your front porch collapses and kills at least 3 dogs.

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You have at least one family member who won't visit "..because of them damn dogs."

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Your early retirement was entirely unintentional.

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You have a family portrait drawn by a courtroom artist.

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Your birdbath used to be a Direct TV dish.

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Your birthstone is gravel.

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You think "family values" are a combo meal.

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Your back porch doubles as a deer stand.

(Looking at you snail)

(Looking at you snail)

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Your character references are currently incarcerated.

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You ever married someone for their Camaro.

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You put your plate on the floor for your dog(s) after every meal.

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You don't need a clean shirt to go to work.

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The Department of Fish and Wildlife wants to interview you.

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Your passenger door handle is a 15mm wrench.

(What else you gonna do with one?)

(What else you gonna do with one?)

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You stay married for the sake of the tattoos.

(as opposed to getting one removed)

(as opposed to getting one removed)

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You get a speeding ticket while towing another vehicle.

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You've taken a selfie with your arresting officer.

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The tallest building you've ever seen was a water tower.

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You're always patted down as you leave buffets.

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You've used outdoor fireworks indoors...

Your goat pen has a glory hole.

You've ridden a horse in someone's house.

(maybe your own?)

(maybe your own?)

You get buried in a Dale Earnhardt shirt.

(seen it)

(seen it)

You claim married on your taxes and live with your sister.

If your tires are 35s

You used your fishing license as ID to get into the strip club

You've got a house that's mobile, and three cars that ain't...

Your pickup truck cost more than your double wide.

You and your child are in the 3rd grade together.

Uh-oh. Looks like somebody found their library card, and found a book to barrow...

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Your Thanksgiving goose used to sit in the living room and watch wrestling with you.

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Your lips are moving as you read this...

You are your daughter's uncle.

You have a sheet of plywood for a bedliner, in your pickup truck.

You have landscape timbers bolted on as replacement bumpers, on any of your vehicles.