Not a Barn Find...

BilletMan

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This is a story from my past that is a bit embarrassing, especially on this manly site. Back in 1991, I vaulted my career into a major step up. Prior to the actual business contract being signed, I felt cocky and bought a new car. (I did this again on a much larger deal, years later. That time, 1994, I bought a Bonneville SSEI ). Anyway, in 1991, I bought a Volvo. Yep, there, I said it.

It turned out to be a lemon. about one out of twenty cold start attempts, it just refused to start.
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When it wouldn't start, I hopped in "Old Blue"....300 CID straight six, three on the tree shifter, manual brakes, steering, windows.....I miss Old Blue!
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Anyway, after many trips to the dealer, the Vulva's problem couldn't be resolved. I ended yup in "Lemon Law Court"....Volvo of North America didn't even bother to show up....with the case examiner next to me, we were talking with Vulva NA on the phone...as they were going on about reimbursement that subtracted depreciation, blah, blah, blah, I flew off the handle and totally raised hell with the Vulva guy on the other end of the phone.....I got what I demanded, FULL sales price refunded....after the phone call concluded, the case examiner said, "damn, you did very well, I've never seen someone raise hell like that and get results!" Fuckers! :fu::fu::fu::biggrin1a::biggrin1a::biggrin1a::biggrin1a::biggrin1a:

Bye bye motherfucker! The Vulva's last trip away from my house:
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hagrid

Human sized Loofah Pouf
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So I went to have a look at a car that was very cheap. It was a few hours drive away. My brother came with me to drive my car back and the kids came with me, well, because kids...

This car had been vandalised. The story goes that the owner saw a neighbour husband and wife fighting and basically husband neighbour was knocking seven bells out of neighbour wife, in the street (stay classy Oldham). He called the cops and told them not to come to his house for a statement. They came, sorted it all out, went to his house for a statement. Guy sees cops there and smashes the windows out of this chap's car a few nights later. His insurance will only pay for one window so he flogged it to me, cheap as chips. I initially didn't want it, because as well as the windows it had a power steering fluid leak, pulled to the left and had a vibration on tickover.

I came home after wasting everyone's time. My daughter was gutted because she really liked the car "But Daddy, you can fix it!" (she's 10, what the hell does she know!?).

I spent the next day researching the issues and pricing up parts. Turns out I can fix it (I think). So I drove back the next night with my mucho protesting wife who made it abundantly plain that she wanted nothing to do with the damn thing. The kids came too.

I drove it 130 miles home with most of the car wrapped in cling film and scotch tape. Looked like I was driving a giant bag of potato chips. Drove wonderful on the way home apart from a gentle pull off to the left and I managed 69mpg too.

So I now own a fucking Volvo... :fu:

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Your conversion into a limp hermaphrodite is complete.
 
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Mr Lucky

toboggan oiler
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None of your fucking business...
More work yesterday. After searching and searching for a passenger side quartlight, I finally found one in my village scrap yard. Ok I have to respray the trim from white to silver 426-26 but that shouldn't be too difficult. The other window went in yesterday and I treated myself to a new Volvo badge which is spaced like the later models.32054

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I'll pick up the other window today and hopefully the paint will arrive in the next few days...
 
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RobBase

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I know absolutely nothing about auto glass but the guy installing that piece looks like he's completely incompetent.
The bead of sealant he's putting around the frame looks like shit, plus where he's overlapped it (why overlap it?) is bound to
leak since it's not lapped to shed water, rather to catch water.
Also no one puts duct tape on anything they don't want to really fuck up with glue residue, shouldn't it be blue painters tape?
 
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Mr Lucky

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None of your fucking business...
I do get what you are saying. The pic would make it look as you have said. Keep in mind that is a single photo. The guy fitting the window is an Autoglass technician who is also my neighbour. The shot is the very start of the sealant application. He is actually blocking the work he has done. What we can see in shot is the track left from the removed original window sealant. He had to build up the sealant to the required height and was on some time. The tape was the only tape I had available and in the great scheme of things it's not that difficult to remove the goop...
 
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Mr Lucky

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None of your fucking business...
Also something you may or may not be aware of is that the Volvo window has a plastic weather seal running it's full perimeter. The glue is just there to hold the window in place...
 

RobBase

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OK. I did prequalify by saying I know less than anyone about autoglass. But I'm pretty sure, the black
stuff is the real "waterproofing." As long as it doesn't leak, it's good.
Have a Corona beer on me!
 

BilletMan

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Great job, Lucky. After seeing the miracle work you performed on the beloved BUCEPHALUS, we know you're certainly capable of fine work!
 
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Stetson

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The tow hitch looks like some kind of black porn star bell end. Is that the norm in your part of the world?
That may be a Volvo thing, because one of my client's wagons had one that looked like that and it's super easy to smash it into your fucking shin in a dark warehouse when trying to walk between parked cars.
 

RobBase

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A client of ours did this to their own antique bureau, because they didn't want the drawers to slide open when we moved it.... :eek:


It's OK to use duct tape, but I don't leave it on anything temporarily for more than an hour or so and never let the sunlight cook it.
Spent many an hour removing the "concrete" duct tape residue off of windows and storefronts which was used to hold up plastic sheeting to protect it from real concrete pours.
 

pimpslayer

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On the buckle of the Bible Belt.
It's OK to use duct tape, but I don't leave it on anything temporarily for more than an hour or so and never let the sunlight cook it.
Spent many an hour removing the "concrete" duct tape residue off of windows and storefronts which was used to hold up plastic sheeting to protect it from real concrete pours.
And the better the duct tape, the more residue it leaves behind...😡
 
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Mr Lucky

toboggan oiler
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None of your fucking business...
Today has been 'sorting the last quarterlight' day. From a white one at a local scrap yard, the bonded trim needed to be 426-26 silver so I cleaned it, roughed the surface so the paint could key and then masked it off ready for painting. Not so bad for a rattle can. I was super happy with the finish until my daughter walked by and dragged her hair across it. I got annoyed and said I would have to do it all again and she got upset. I felt bad and so I told her I'm leaving it with the hair print in and that can be her little 'personalisation, her 'autograph' on the car. I felt bad for shouting because it was my fault. I shouldn't have left it to dry on the kitchen counter. Anyway, I cleaned out what remained of the old, broken, bonded window and once I get more tiger seal I'll get this window in.
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Mr Lucky

toboggan oiler
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None of your fucking business...
Today went well. Headlights and fog lights out for polishing.


Fog light before.
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And after.
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It takes about 10 minutes to strip the front down to this.
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The fucked headlamp coming out.
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A secondhand replacement being polished up.
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Still awaiting the sealant for the last side window.
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I'm getting there...
 
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Mr Lucky

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None of your fucking business...
Not that i am aware of. I'm disinclined to contact the previous owner as he seems to have done a few hack jobs on the car himself. He seems to have been a bit if a ham-fisted ape and some of the work he has done is well below the standard I work to...
 

pimpslayer

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Jaysus, I was looking at reported fuel mileage numbers over at fuelly.com for diesel Volvos.

Here's some reports on 2012 V50 Volvos, one with a gas engine and several diesels from overseas. Amazing numbers...lotsa 40+ reports...

.
 
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Mr Lucky

toboggan oiler
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None of your fucking business...
Jaysus, I was looking at reported fuel mileage numbers over at fuelly.com for diesel Volvos.

Here's some reports on 2012 V50 Volvos, one with a gas engine and several diesels from overseas. Amazing numbers...lotsa 40+ reports...

.
I must get that app for my phone...
 

BilletMan

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Lucky is good at vehicular restoration....if he was right around the corner, I wouldn't hesitate trusting him with such a project...His undertaking and successful completion of Bu speaks volumes....Good job, mate!
 
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Mr Lucky

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None of your fucking business...
Flippin' excellent!

Do you even have 500 pounds in that car?
.

I don't actually know. I haven't added this lot up yet.

Purchase cost of car £100

Window for rear door driver’s side. £20 eBay.

Power steering reservoir bottle and pipe £15.00 eBay

Power steering pump, reservoir and pipe. £30.00. FB. Aidan. Sunderland. Collected.

Power steering fluid. £10.99 x 3. Halfords. Comma MVCHF 1L.

Rear booster seat. £10.00. FB. Chris. Sheffield. Collected.

Rear driver side quarterlight. £15.00. Direct. Henry. Frome. Collected.

Tailgate with spoiler. £35.00. Ebay. Henry. Frome. Collected.

Bonnet and passenger side headlight. £50.00. Nemo. Swindon. Collected.

Washer bottle pump. £7.95. Ebay.

Quarterlight Passenger side. Sacriston Scrapyard. £30.00 inc removal from scrap car.

Volvo tailgate badge. £20.00. Ebay.

Trim clip kit removal tool kit. £11.98. Ebay.

Gorilla glue. £4.00. Tescos Sacriston.

Headlight polishing kit. £23.05. Ebay.

426 Spray paint and clearcoat. £15.95. Ebay.

Rear wiper assembly. £8.99. Ebay.

Upol Tigerseal. £8.90. Ebay.

Car door edge protector. £1.49

So far...
 
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Mr Lucky

toboggan oiler
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None of your fucking business...
It's no show winner and I have yet to even wash it but it'll do the job and I could likely sell it at a profit, once this Covid bullshit fucks off! I keep finding lumps, bumps and hack-ups on it. That gum-smeared headlight and foglight pointed to a smack on that side. Sho'nuff a not particularly close inspection of the front bumper shows it has had a bump and has been covered with a rattle can spray job that they tried to tail off at the 'tear duct' of the headlight. I polished it as best I could with a drill polisher and some Farecla G3 cutting compound but that front bumper needs doing properly. or replacing with a one in better shape as this one has a taken a hit which has pushed the plastic past elastic deformation and into to plastic deformation. They didn't even mask off the wing to protect from overspray. Fucking godless pigs.

Moving further up that same side of the car there is some horrible work on the bottom front section of the rear arch. It has took a smack and the repair is filler and rattle can. Bad filler, pitted and pock-marked, barely to shape and showing on the shut-line when the door is closed. The paint is shocking here so I may well redo that area and finish it with my own rattle can. We will see how things pan out but it is likely I will do it as it pisses me off to look at it now I have spotted it.

The 'tear duct' paint match up. Beautiful feathering-in there. Fuckwits.
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Who fucking thinks this is a suitable repair for anything?
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If you look at the front of the rear wheel arch towards the bottom of the door you can see the shitty shut-line and the crap paint where they masked off the paint. Because that's what you do when you are spraying a flat panel, mask it and cause a paint build-up with a big thick line of paint buildup you can catch a fucking finger nail on instead of feathering it in or taking it to a natural edge. Pricks...
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Mr Lucky

toboggan oiler
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None of your fucking business...
It certainly is. But there's a difference between saving money by doing jobs yourself and fucking shit up. Fortunately for me his fuckshituppery was limited to basic and easily sorted for mimimum or no cost.

Washed now and looking very healthy (the car, not me). Just awaiting some glue setting in a headlight mount and it'll be all back together... :up:

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