My colonoscopy better be fucking epic!

NTRYDR

Been There. Done That.
Joined
Dec 28, 2001
Messages
81,596
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Detroit, and anywhere else i wanna.
Had an ultrasound last week..Doc went..hmmm..We need you to get a colonoscopy, stat..So tomorrow at noon, I get the Alabama Black snake..Today I can’t or dink anything good..But Dulcolax, Miralax (a whole bottle) with Gatorade..I swear there’s an echo in there..My ass is acting like a high pressure firehouse..
 

Wretch

amazingly graceful
Joined
Feb 1, 2002
Messages
36,395
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is overrated
Had an ultrasound last week..Doc went..hmmm..We need you to get a colonoscopy, stat..So tomorrow at noon, I get the Alabama Black snake..Today I can’t or dink anything good..But Dulcolax, Miralax (a whole bottle) with Gatorade..I swear there’s an echo in there..My ass is acting like a high pressure firehouse..
On the bright side, you'll be letting out epic farts to the cheers of the staff and other recovering patients.

Just be proud and enjoy it!

Here's to a clean bill of health on the other end. 👍
 

fr0st

The Arvida Chancellor
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Been there done that ...twice !

Good luck !

It'll save your ass..litterally !
 

ysr_racer

12 gauge matzo ball shooter
Joined
Jun 16, 2002
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Sunny So. Cal. USA
Had an ultrasound last week..Doc went..hmmm..We need you to get a colonoscopy, stat..So tomorrow at noon, I get the Alabama Black snake..Today I can’t or dink anything good..But Dulcolax, Miralax (a whole bottle) with Gatorade..I swear there’s an echo in there..My ass is acting like a high pressure firehouse..
NTRYDR: where should I hang my pants?

Doctor: right over there next to mine :)
 

kawachan

BAMF
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Dec 12, 2001
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I remember the doc tapping my arm and saying count to 5. Next thing I knew my wife was telling me to get dressed because it was time to go. I had to be checked from both ends. I told him MAKE SURE to start up top. It was weird to not remember one single thing though.....
 

Master-Cylinder

Duck Loving Curmudgeon and Legendary Race Wrench
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Out in the field
I remember the doc tapping my arm and saying count to 5. Next thing I knew my wife was telling me to get dressed because it was time to go. I had to be checked from both ends. I told him MAKE SURE to start up top. It was weird to not remember one single thing though.....
I've been thru a few "not remember on single thing", all caused by motorcycles, and head hitting the ground. Longest one was probably 30~40 minutes, I'm only guessing at the tyme, could have been longer.
 

Master-Cylinder

Duck Loving Curmudgeon and Legendary Race Wrench
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I do the Shit On A Stick every year. I'm pretty low on the ass cancer risk, don't eat red meat allah tyme, don't drink, eat enough fiber to re rig the USS Constitution.

Now other cancers... who knows.
 

Master-Cylinder

Duck Loving Curmudgeon and Legendary Race Wrench
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Out in the field
I woke up once during a "procedure". They were pulling the pins out of my hand and arm that were holding my wrist together. I remember seeing the guy with a brace and bit type drill working on my hand. I assume they clamped onto the pin with it and twisted it out. As soon as they noticed I was looking at them, someone said "he's coming to" and then it was lights out. I didn't feel a thing.
Man, afterwards, I begged for them to put the cast back on, just moving my wrist would almost floor me. I got this brace thing that had laced on it, and cranked it down tight. Then rode my trials bike over logs and shit the next weekend.
 

Mr Lucky

The Voice Of Reason...
Joined
Dec 29, 2001
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Your momma...
I opted to stay awake for my colonoscopy. It meant i could leave the hospital much sooner. Getting knocked out for the procedure would have kept me in overnight. It was incredibly interesting and i could assist the two people doing the colonoscopy (both women btw, before you all start up). There is a tight corner in the intestine in almost everyones bowel and i had to push down on my belly area with my hands and help get the camera around the corner. Looked like Alien when the alien is about to burst out of Kane's stomach. Slightly painful but not anything more than a feeling of slight bowel cramp for a few seconds though.

Staying awake also allowed me to converse with the medical staff during the procedure and see what they were seeing on the screen. In the whole 'journey to the centre of my arse' only one polyp was found, about half way up. It was marked on the computer tracking system (like a satnav for the arse) as a point of reference and so we continued on. Got all the way to the top and on the way back we stopped again at the polyp. It looked huge, and suspiciously like Schiavo. I asked what they would do to remove it and would i have to come back for an op. They said not to worry and they would remove it then. At which point a lasso of wire appeared on screen and they maneuvered it around the polyp. It was then heated, a small wisp of smoke appeared and the polyp was removed. It was sucked up a vacuum tube (a part of the camera system as per the heated noose) and captured, to be tested in case it was anything malignant. Once it was removed from the vacuum system they showed it to me and what looked massive on camera was about two or three mm across. I thought it was going to be the size of a fingernail.

I left hospital not long afterwards and did huge farts all the way home...
 

Vegas12

BAMF+
Joined
Aug 10, 2005
Messages
16,841
I opted to stay awake for my colonoscopy. It meant i could leave the hospital much sooner. Getting knocked out for the procedure would have kept me in overnight. It was incredibly interesting and i could assist the two people doing the colonoscopy (both women btw, before you all start up). There is a tight corner in the intestine in almost everyones bowel and i had to push down on my belly area with my hands and help get the camera around the corner. Looked like Alien when the alien is about to burst out of Kane's stomach. Slightly painful but not anything more than a feeling of slight bowel cramp for a few seconds though.

Staying awake also allowed me to converse with the medical staff during the procedure and see what they were seeing on the screen. In the whole 'journey to the centre of my arse' only one polyp was found, about half way up. It was marked on the computer tracking system (like a satnav for the arse) as a point of reference and so we continued on. Got all the way to the top and on the way back we stopped again at the polyp. It looked huge, and suspiciously like Schiavo. I asked what they would do to remove it and would i have to come back for an op. They said not to worry and they would remove it then. At which point a lasso of wire appeared on screen and they maneuvered it around the polyp. It was then heated, a small wisp of smoke appeared and the polyp was removed. It was sucked up a vacuum tube (a part of the camera system as per the heated noose) and captured, to be tested in case it was anything malignant. Once it was removed from the vacuum system they showed it to me and what looked massive on camera was about two or three mm across. I thought it was going to be the size of a fingernail.

I left hospital not long afterwards and did huge farts all the way home...
Even with a general, it was an outpatient procedure, "in and out " in a few hours.....at least it is with our insurance.

Though it would have been interesting being awake during the procedure.

The worst part was the cleansing the night before.
 

Brokenfly

HOLYBAMF
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DFW,TEXAS...
They inflate your bowels to help the tool not perforate lining and depending on how much air is used some can experience symptoms like the bends later in the recovery room.
The initial exam with 2 women at the office was worth it.lube, fingers and ladies always works for me.
 
Joined
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I opted to stay awake for my colonoscopy. It meant i could leave the hospital much sooner. Getting knocked out for the procedure would have kept me in overnight. It was incredibly interesting and i could assist the two people doing the colonoscopy (both women btw, before you all start up). There is a tight corner in the intestine in almost everyones bowel and i had to push down on my belly area with my hands and help get the camera around the corner. Looked like Alien when the alien is about to burst out of Kane's stomach. Slightly painful but not anything more than a feeling of slight bowel cramp for a few seconds though.

Staying awake also allowed me to converse with the medical staff during the procedure and see what they were seeing on the screen. In the whole 'journey to the centre of my arse' only one polyp was found, about half way up. It was marked on the computer tracking system (like a satnav for the arse) as a point of reference and so we continued on. Got all the way to the top and on the way back we stopped again at the polyp. It looked huge, and suspiciously like Schiavo. I asked what they would do to remove it and would i have to come back for an op. They said not to worry and they would remove it then. At which point a lasso of wire appeared on screen and they maneuvered it around the polyp. It was then heated, a small wisp of smoke appeared and the polyp was removed. It was sucked up a vacuum tube (a part of the camera system as per the heated noose) and captured, to be tested in case it was anything malignant. Once it was removed from the vacuum system they showed it to me and what looked massive on camera was about two or three mm across. I thought it was going to be the size of a fingernail.

I left hospital not long afterwards and did huge farts all the way home...
It was not a polyp, it was Schiavo's condom.
 

BIggerDanno

Titanium Bad Ass
Joined
May 4, 2002
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Magdalena, NM
When I went in for the consult I mentioned to the Dr that it would be cool to watch. He said uh uh. You're going to be out. I asked why, he said it would be massively painful to be awake. I decided that I wasn't letting him anywhere near my ass.
 

Mr Lucky

The Voice Of Reason...
Joined
Dec 29, 2001
Messages
14,727
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Your momma...
Even with a general, it was an outpatient procedure, "in and out " in a few hours.....at least it is with our insurance.

Though it would have been interesting being awake during the procedure.

The worst part was the cleansing the night before.
You are not allowed to drive in the UK within 24 hours of being under a general anaesthetic...
 

MadRussian

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In the van, down by the river
Bright red.
RF
Buellbomb just came home from the hospital, after spending 5 days in ICU.
He started with bright red blood also and on day three almost passed out while shopping.
I know you hate going to doctors, but I wouldn't fuck around with your life. (Julie needs you to stick around for 20-30 years)
 

Wretch

amazingly graceful
Joined
Feb 1, 2002
Messages
36,395
Location
is overrated
Buellbomb just came home from the hospital, after spending 5 days in ICU.
He started with bright red blood also and on day three almost passed out while shopping.
I know you hate going to doctors, but I wouldn't fuck around with your life. (Julie needs you to stick around for 20-30 years)
I hope Rich is well on the mend now.

To be certain shitting blood ain't no damned good, no matter what.
 

tinhead

Has never named a pet
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Northeast CT
Buellbomb just came home from the hospital, after spending 5 days in ICU.
He started with bright red blood also and on day three almost passed out while shopping.
I know you hate going to doctors, but I wouldn't fuck around with your life. (Julie needs you to stick around for 20-30 years)
Rich was a strong advocate of frequent screenings after what colon cancer did to his brother.
Have to call him up and see what it was.
 
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