In court today for divorce

   #5  

tinhead

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When I had a few drinks years ago with Clarence Clemons at the Eagle, I knew he was in CT getting divorced because he told me. Someone in the civil court system loved him, the entire case file was sealed.

It seems the sealer went on to become one of our overlords.
 
   #6  

BigGar

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When I had a few drinks years ago with Clarence Clemons at the Eagle, I knew he was in CT getting divorced because he told me. Someone in the civil court system loved him, the entire case file was sealed.

It seems the sealer went on to become one of our overlords.
Are you talking about THEE Clarence Clemons? The big man (RIP)?
 
   #7  

tinhead

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Courant Seeks to Open Records Sealed State Court Files Challenged
...The Courant filed a lawsuit in U.S. District Court Friday seeking to end the state judicial department's unusual practice of selectively closing entire court files and, in some instances, concealing from the public even the existence of a case...

...in "super-sealed" cases, those designated as Level 1, the very existence of the lawsuit is secret - a drastic step that even some judges and lawyers were unaware of until recently. In Level 2 cases, the parties' names appear on dockets, but the files are sealed and the courtrooms often are closed...


...For example, in May 2000, a judge granted a Level 1 seal in a paternity case against Clarence Clemons, the saxophone player for Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band. Last year, a judge ordered a Level 2 seal in a family-court case involving Boston Celtics center Vin Baker.

...In addition to family cases, certain civil cases involving allegations of sexual abuse by priests, corporate misconduct and other matters of public interest have been selectively sealed. A few years ago, a secret civil trial involving abuse accusations against a priest in the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Hartford took place in a New Haven courtroom...
..
 
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   #8  

tinhead

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Are you talking about THEE Clarence Clemons? The big man (RIP)?
Yeah.
It remains a mystery why CC's case was adjudicated in Rockville. He stayed at a friend's house a couple hundred yards down the road from where I'm living now. There were some memorable parties there before the friend cleaned up, quit drinking and drugging.
 
   #14  

nomad

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Simon .. what possible deal could you want to make with that evil witch ?
Well all the attorneys will be urging their clients to accept any deal that both parties will agree to because they got their retainer and they know very very few people go to the expense of a trial. Deals on the courthouse steps are never good for the Father.

ISome men throw in the towel at the first hearing. Some after the first false DVRO. Some fight for two years trying to play the game of paying her, the attorney, the experts, the living expenses and parenting costs before crumbling and accepting anything put in front of them. Some talk fight fight fight and then agree to drop all contempt charges for a clean slate and try again.

The reality is, sociopaths are narcissists. Understanding that they dont care what damage they do their own children, your children, in their selfish spiteful quests is key to making a decision about how and if to settle. If being a parent and not a visitor in your own kids lives is important, then you are in for a fight because she is never going to agree to that. If you just want peace and dont mind 2 weekends a month, then settle as fast as you can and take anything you can get.

It really depends how old the children are and how well bonded they are with you. If you have kids under 5yo, especially under 3yo, then seeing them as much as possible is critical. These are the years where the bonds are formed and they cannot be redone later.

Keep in mind that attorneys all have one eye on your income and bank balance. There is no better method from separating good people from their money than keeping their children from them. It is no accident that bar associations across the country routinely oppose any attempt to change the laws so that Fathers get shared physical custody out of the gate.

So forget the money. Its gone one way or another anyway.
 
   #15  
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If you live in Calif, hookers, girl friend are cheaper in the long run than being married.

In Calif once married they have 1/2, and it goes both ways where the wife makes more than the husband, I seen it happen to my friend Valerie
 
   #16  

Terry_Schiavo

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If you live in Calif, hookers, girl friend are cheaper in the long run than being married.
thats silly talk. Its really apparent, when dating, to see the earning and spending habits. Wasnt your ex spending your loot??
Also how many wimmen did you date before you tied the knot?? Not to brag but there comes a time where you just get sick of the petty bullshit. Girls that want to be "stay at home" providers aint ever gona be fun.
A good marriage has 2 individuals that can stand on their own financially and career wise. Not even going to get into the physical side...which is a whole nuther thread
 
   #18  

CID

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A good marriage has 2 individuals that can stand on their own financially and career wise. Not even going to get into the physical side...which is a whole nuther thread
meh....

That's a good starting point .....and in Cisco's context, a rule, but it's complete shit when you consider the context of the OP -- no matter how much money you both make when there are kids and assets involved -- you can't fix crazy.

download (4).jpg
 
   #20  

Terry_Schiavo

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yeah theres no broadbrushing... but cisco and his provincial sample sizes crack me up.
 
   #22  

CID

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Guys have a tendency to put up with shit just for the pussy.

Wimenz do the same cause they can control via that pussy and they think they can 'fix' the other's issues.

Bottom line -- If you get into a relationship and put up with stuff early on, but do it as a passive aggressive; you're fucked.

I've been fucked by my own choices my whole life. It's just an accepted truth for me. It's expensive. Sometimes it's painful.... but maaaan it aint never boring! :lol:
 
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   #23  

gsteve

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My shit phobia is at an all time high now. I had a hot one track me down thru mutual fb friends. Great looking. Well employed, fit. She starts asking me about past relationships but I know she knows both my x-gfs. She was on a frickin shopping crawl with one 3 months ago ! I saw the pics. Texting was all day long and flirty for about a week. Then I started getting the “
Hard to get” act. I deleted her , blocked her , forgot her. Clown act.
 
   #24  
OP

simon520

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Well all the attorneys will be urging their clients to accept any deal that both parties will agree to because they got their retainer and they know very very few people go to the expense of a trial. Deals on the courthouse steps are never good for the Father.

ISome men throw in the towel at the first hearing. Some after the first false DVRO. Some fight for two years trying to play the game of paying her, the attorney, the experts, the living expenses and parenting costs before crumbling and accepting anything put in front of them. Some talk fight fight fight and then agree to drop all contempt charges for a clean slate and try again.

The reality is, sociopaths are narcissists. Understanding that they dont care what damage they do their own children, your children, in their selfish spiteful quests is key to making a decision about how and if to settle. If being a parent and not a visitor in your own kids lives is important, then you are in for a fight because she is never going to agree to that. If you just want peace and dont mind 2 weekends a month, then settle as fast as you can and take anything you can get.

It really depends how old the children are and how well bonded they are with you. If you have kids under 5yo, especially under 3yo, then seeing them as much as possible is critical. These are the years where the bonds are formed and they cannot be redone later.

Keep in mind that attorneys all have one eye on your income and bank balance. There is no better method from separating good people from their money than keeping their children from them. It is no accident that bar associations across the country routinely oppose any attempt to change the laws so that Fathers get shared physical custody out of the gate.

So forget the money. Its gone one way or another anyway.
fuck, man. You’ve hit the nail on the head. What you didn’t write is a true narcissist with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) believes she is smarter than everyone, has no conscience and typically follows a “scorched earth” policy. He or she doesn’t give a flying fuck about anyone- just wants to burn everything down.

And she initially got majority custody due to an error by my first attorney. This led to her demanding and getting exclusive use of my house. Because that’s the only criterion the judge used- how much custody each parent had.

Because my first attorney decided to withhold evidence and testimony. Why, I’ll never know. I think she was paid off by the opposing counsel. The evidence was so damning, my wife should have been investigated for crimes and lost immediate custody of her kids. Imagine going to court armed with the truth that will save your kids and have it go completely opposite.

my wife’s tactic was to get the house and squeeze until I gave in. She even told her kids “August we’re going to court and your dad is done.”

there’s a bunch of shit I still should not speak of.

anyhow... some big wins in court yesterday. Not many fathers have 100% custody. Especially after fighting off false restraining orders. And the albatross around my neck of many guns and tens of thousands of rounds of ammo stored at the family home and the outright prejudice that creates.

oh, good stories with CA DOJ and ATF getting involved in my guns. Imagine 5 special agents in your garage.
 
   #25  
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I went thru the same shit in 2004 divorce, I lost the house in Arizona, my 4x4 toyota truck, had to buy back one of my Harley even thou I bought it with my own money, lost out on a 6K loan to her mom and dad to help them buy a house in Bull Head City Arizona, spouse payment for 6 years at a $1000 a month and the first 4 months at $1,500. Pay for a credit card bill from Home Depot in Arizona of $15-30K plus which she got another card address to the house in AZ which I did not see the bill, and more I had to pay for her Lawyers fee, and the court fee's etc.

Yep, Hookers, Beer, motorcycles, and fun is my new motto.

Hope you did not have to bend over as much as I had too. But it's all good now
 
   #27  

scottcolbath

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fuck, man. You’ve hit the nail on the head. What you didn’t write is a true narcissist with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) believes she is smarter than everyone, has no conscience and typically follows a “scorched earth” policy. He or she doesn’t give a flying fuck about anyone- just wants to burn everything down.
Sounds like you married Donald Trump. :bigsmile:

S.C.
 
   #29  

Vegas12

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So much for not talking about this. Hope she isn't downloading all your social media.

*sigh*

Kind of how everyone listens to all your other bullshit paranoia......they don't. (Then again, you probably know a guy who wrote the rulebook regarding divorce proceedings....my bad)
 
   #34  
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True - but it is all public. Anyone can view it. She clearly knows where he posts. None of this can be helping his cause.

Once he wins and has it in writing that is a different story but until then he should be smart enough to keep his dirty laundry hidden and not in writing.
 
   #37  

nomad

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Because my first attorney decided to withhold evidence and testimony. Why, I’ll never know. I think she was paid off by the opposing counsel. The evidence was so damning, my wife should have been investigated for crimes and lost immediate custody of her kids. Imagine going to court armed with the truth that will save your kids and have it go completely opposite.
Well thats not surprising.. You might pay your attorney, but they dont work for you. They work for the system that operate in every day. That community is sewn together very tightly. Everyone knows everyone. They only thing they all agree on is that their job is hold parents upside down by their ankles and shake until not more coins fall to the ground. Then, as if by magic, both parties attorneys are suddenly telling you that all that fighting they recommended, that you paid for is pointless and your best bet is to settle.

As a litigant, your #1 problem is the care and feeding of your attorney. This takes more time and effort than anything else. After the initial "shock and awe" wears off, many dads represent themselves. The reduction in stress is huge, becuase of the dual edged nature of attorneys. The downside is that you loose the credibility of your attorney. When he stands there and says my client x, y & z, the Judge knows that the attorneys reputation is on the line. If either x, y or z turn out to be "factually inaccurate", the Judge will not believe what he says for hi other clients, his reputation is shot, and his ability to secure favorable outcomes goes out the window. So The Judge knows that your attorney is not going to make an offer of proof that is full of crap. When you represent yourself, you loose that. As a litigant you are presumed to be lying when your lips are moving. So in reality, you are buying credibility in the courtroom when you hire an attorney.

Since Family "law" has about as much to do with law, as "painting houses"has to do with paint (The Irishman), representing yourself comes down to being able to file pleadings, writing declarations and understanding what direction to take the battle. Consulting with every attorney in the phone directory will give you enough strategy information. The paperwork is just tedious work that is much less demanding that the care and feeding of an attorney.

If you have 100% custody of the kids then you have an obligation to be magnanimous. She is a sociopath, but she is the kids mother. The kids must have safe access to her. Denying her that is not good for the kids, in the same way, denying Fathers access to kids is not good for them. Make sure they can do Skype calls. Encourage them. Facilitate visits even though she is trying to destroy you and alienate the kids. The kids only have one mother and one father. They cannot be replaced and no matter how damaged the parents are, the kids will do better if they have contact with both (assuming there is no physical harm and she is not drinking or doing drugs)

If you got 100% it is because of your professional status. The Judge believes you because of your status in society. dont fuck that up by letting her get to you. Be bigger than her personality disorder. She will never change. Dark triads only seek to manipulate therapists. You are stuck with this woman for a very long time. If you can resist being petty, her friends will point out that you are not so bad, and she wont go super crazy on you. These women are very dangerous, Handle with extreme care!

She has two nuclear weapons at her disposal. sounds like she has played the first, Domestic violence, the second is child support. Pay very close attention to that. Its a huge topic.
If she is reading this, there is nothing that she has not already been told and probably been encouraged to do by her friends and attorneys anyway. The tactics are the same in every case, every year. What boggles my mind is that men, mens rights and child advocacy groups have not been able to change anything in how many decades now?

Its all about separating people from their money. Litigants will piss away $2m on court battles and fees rather than let the other party get a single dollar. The kids are the biggest loosers. The attorneys the biggest winners. Welcome to America.
 
   #38  

agri

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Great news Simon!!!

You need to hit a good framing place and get that final document in a nice classy frame.
Mine is in the garage. Its like a fucking beacon of hope that always will pick you up when needed.
 
   #40  

Snail

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A friend went through a messy divorce, she cleaned him out, all he had left was his old boat.

I asked him about the situation, mentioning the huge expense.

He asked me if I knew why divorce was so expensive.

No, I dont know.
His response,
Because it's worth it.
 
   #41  

scottcolbath

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A friend went through a messy divorce, she cleaned him out, all he had left was his old boat.

I asked him about the situation, mentioning the huge expense.

He asked me if I knew why divorce was so expensive.

No, I dont know.
His response,
Because it's worth it.
Knowing that pretty much all divorces cost the guy a shit ton of money, no matter how much fighting takes place with attorneys, I just decided that I'd toss a big pile of cash at her right up front, along with letting her keeping everything in the house (including my dog), and me buying back my Vette and motorcycles. It came down to her bitching that she wanted $10,000 more. I asked her, in front of her attorney, if she wanted to spend $20,000 to get that $10,000. Even her attorney looked at her and nodded that I was right.

Oh, and I used an attorney only to file the papers and draw up the first offer, which the ex refused. After that, I handled it myself. My total attorney fees were $500. Her bill was a whole shitload more than that. She hired some high-priced downtown law firm. I have no fucking idea who she thought she was up against. Goliath?

In under two years, I managed to climb out of the hole she left me in. I could stop stealing toilet paper from work, and reusing paper towels (actually, I still do that, but not as much) among other things. And now I'm a homeowner again. FTW

S.C.
 
   #42  

Snail

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The friend I mentioned put his head down and went to work, fishing the old boat, in
10 years he now has a beautiful steel boat and is a top producer.
 
   #48  

Austin_F

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Read an interesting story once on women who chose a career first, and planned on meeting a career man and together, later in life, they would settle down as 2 professionals and raise kids. ( if DINKS are no kids, what are 2 kids?)

Anyway, turns out the women interviewed had a lot of trouble finding a professional man well into his career who wanted a woman of matching age well into her career. They found that many career minded men who did want kids wanted a pretty young thing who could stay at home. They didn't want to be with a copy of themselves.

Sad place to find yourself i suppose.
 
   #49  

Terry_Schiavo

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Read an interesting story once on women who chose a career first, and planned on meeting a career man and together, later in life, they would settle down as 2 professionals and raise kids. ( if DINKS are no kids, what are 2 kids?)
Anyway, turns out the women interviewed had a lot of trouble finding a professional man well into his career who wanted a woman of matching age well into her career. They found that many career minded men who did want kids wanted a pretty young thing who could stay at home. They didn't want to be with a copy of themselves.
Sad place to find yourself i suppose.
Isnt youth just wasted on the ignorant?? Lets call it late 30s for the gals to be on the safe side of delivering kids. Ok lets just call it 39... so even if the gal were super stellar and graduated at 21 got a masters by 23 thats not a whole lotta time to marinate in a career and make it to a partner level or so. We are not even talking about someone of limited means that would be borrowing loot to go to school. Guys dont have that biological pressure. My friends that did the professional thing enjoy not having kids and doing what ever they please.
 
   #50  

quiver

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I hope you able to get your wife supervised visitation with the children.
although, she may be your children's mother, you have an undeniable need to keep them safe from her.

i had to learn to separate my mother from her ways, to be able to continue to love her.
i had my father's love, encouragement and acceptance.
the older i get, the more i understand my father, I tend to be a lot more like my dad.
I was made in a certain way. I had to do right by her at the end of her life.

I had to put my head down at night with a clear conscience.
it also made me aware her of unacceptable behavior and not feeling bad about not accepting it as normal.
not everyone has a genuinely good and loving mom.
sometimes, we have people who just didn't know how or learned to really love anyone or anything above themselves.
sometimes we learn how not to be from our parents. unfortunately, my other didn't.

there was an extreme case on the i.d. channel about a lady named "linda cooney"
she shot her husband, because he wanted to leave her. essentially, got away with it.
squandered his $1 million life insurance.
20 years later shot one of her sons with the same weapon.
when he wanted to leave her to live on his own
 
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