How's my brother doing?

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Hugh G. Rection
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Just got a message, Junior stepped in shit this time. He has some young thing living with him, and he beat the shit out of her and threw her through the glass front door.

He's sitting in the county hoosegow on a domestic battery charge. Add in 3 driving on a suspended in the last 3 months, AND failure to complete drug treatment he was sentenced to for his escapades last year and hopefully he gets major time this time.

Fucking idiot.

The one bright side is he had to split the money from his aunt with his stepdad since the aunt left it to his Mom.
 
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Got a text yesterday. His friends went over to buy some furniture from him. Not sure how he got out of the can, but whatever. She says they find some kind of powdery substance all over the front porch and yard. Fucking little cocksucker got mad about something and smashed the box with his father's ashes on the porch.
 
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Hugh G. Rection
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As I've said before, he's been a piece of shit since he was 13. I don't think my brother had a clue what to do with him. His mother was borderline retarded.

Most of the conversations I had with him he seemed to dwell on the fact that he had been diagnosed as a sociopath, and he was mad at his parents.

I kept telling him he could be mad all he wanted, but in the end he is only hurting himself and those who still care for him. (That list is getting shorter and shorter)

I still pray for him but my heart really isn't in it anymore.
 

Wretch

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As I've said before, he's been a piece of shit since he was 13. I don't think my brother had a clue what to do with him. His mother was borderline retarded.

Most of the conversations I had with him he seemed to dwell on the fact that he had been diagnosed as a sociopath, and he was mad at his parents.

I kept telling him he could be mad all he wanted, but in the end he is only hurting himself and those who still care for him. (That list is getting shorter and shorter)

I still pray for him but my heart really isn't in it anymore.
You still care for him, just very little...

...is the way I've come to say it.
 

Wretch

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I think the term you're looking for is "loving detachment". In other words, I love you, but I can't let you drag me or the family down with you. Go your own way and I'll go mine. If it's life and death, I'll be there for you. Otherwise, fuck off.
That's pretty close to the same thing.
Fucking off usually isn't something that needs to be said out loud, regarding family...
...unless looking for a fist fight or worse from the exchange.

It's better left unsaid, even though it's implied.
 
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Hugh G. Rection
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I do love the little fuck, he's the only blood I have left, other than a couple cousins.

But no, I want nothing to do with him until he gets his shit together or dies. If he dies, I will show his remains the same care he showed his father.
 
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Thanks Kirk.

I have an appointment with the estate lawyer Friday morning. I was supposed to sign off on the paperwork to put the house in the kid's name. I will have to discuss this latest development with her before I sign.
 

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Hugh, I've been through these types of situations for many many years, both at work, and personally. There is no "winning". There is no "fixing" anything. You simply have to let this dumpster fire burn out.

You paint a pretty accurate picture of what it's like to try to do normal stuff with an addict. Their value system is not the same as ours. They have no value system. So any expectation or desire that normal people have, for the addict to respond, behave, or conduct themselves, or even to make decisions, is simply irrelevant to them- they don't see life any further ahead than their next high.

The best you can hope for, is to physically protect yourself, and to put a barrier between your personal finances and the situation, so that the addict doesn't take you down with them.

And I don't believe that lawyers are the answer. I don't trust lawyers. My late father was a Marine from Texas. He worked hard his whole life to have financial security, which included his intent to leave whatever was left over, to me. His mistake was having his attorney that created his will, set themsves up to serve as the executor of his will. He should have just left everything to his wife. His estate included 50% of the house that he and his wife owned, so that meant that when he passed, she had to go back to work at about 70 years of age and take out another mortgage to be able to cash out his 50% of their home. I don't think they thought that part through- I think it was part of the attorney's scam. The attorneys endlessly milked his estate, burning through virtually all of his money AND the cash from the 50% of their house, then sent me a check for the last $1,500. And what could I do? Hire ANOTHER one of their kind to go after them?
 
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Kirk

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When I pass, I want everything to go to SV Hottie, with no wasted motion. I am not an educated man, so I don't know how to do that. We've put as much as we can in her name, and the rest is joint with survivorship. I guess a will would be a good place to start.
 

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We lost another half a house, after SV Hottie's dad died.

His will was set up to have everything go to his wife, and her mom's will was set up to have everything go to SV Hottie and her sister, which would have been fine under normal circumstances.

But her mom is an alcoholic, and her uncle (her mom's brother) is a drug addict. When her dad was alive, he kept her mom from drinking, and her dad also kept the junkie uncle away.

When her dad passed, her mom immediately began drinking out of control. Multiple DUI crashes and arrests, lost her license for life, and so on. And she failed to pay the car insurance bills, so the last DUI crash was uninsured. The car was totalled, but because she was drunk and still wanted to drive, she raided her late husband's retirement account(s) to pay a body shop probably $20K to repair a totaled vehicle that would probably have been worth half that, except that with a flagged title, the vehicle is now basically worthless.

As soon as her dad passed, her junkie uncle came sniffing around for money. Because her mom was drunk all the time, she gave him money and forgot that she'd given it to him, then her mom would give him more money. Pretty soon, they developed this symbiotic relationship, where he would drive to the liquor store for her mom to get vodka because her mom couldn't drive, and in turn her mom started giving him an average of about $1,000 a week.

Then he moved in, unemployed, not paying rent or utilities, driving her mom's uninsured (and now unregistered) car, eating her mom's food, and not answering the door when the police came and knocked to do welfare checks on her mom for us, because he was passed out in the back bedroom in the middle of the day with the A/C blasting. Several times, the police found the front door open and her mom face down in the front room, and junkie uncle passed out with his bedroom door closed in the back of the house.

And junkie uncle is a former (disbarred) attorney, so he initiated all sorts of financial mechanisms to further fleece her mom. He took out a credit card in her mom's name, and rigged up automatic payments out of her mom's bank account, giving him unlimited access to her mom's money. We called the police, but her mom was too drunk to be able to make a complaint. My wife was joint on her mom's account so that we could monitor what was going on, but when junkie uncle ran her mom out of money, the bank almost came after US for what junkie uncle was spending, so we had to terminate that. Her late father's late-model Super Duty and custom camper disappeared, supposedly having been sold for pennies on the dollar, but we never saw any corresponding deposits into her mom's bank accounts. The retirement accounts, which should have been enough to comfortably take care of her mom for the rest of her life, are now nearly empty. We think he got her mom signed up for a reverse mortgage, to pull large amounts of cash out of the house. And we also think that he had her will changed, so that HE will get what's left of the house instead of having it go to SV Hottie and her sister. So when her mom dies, SV Hottie and her sister will get nothing.
 
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Hugh G. Rection
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I know what the kid is going through. I put myself through treatment 30+ years ago. I know that until the moment comes that Junior wants to get clean nothing I do will change him. I trusted him once and got ass fucked, he won't get another shot.

Sad part is that in the mind of an active addict all the stuff listed in this thread seems normal, and any attempt to change them is picking on them because nothing is ever their fault. The hard part is watching them take their beating until they get clean, go to jail, end up in the psych ward, or die.

It was pretty hard for me to stop praying every night for him to catch a bullet in the head.
 
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